What people are saying about

Rocky Cologne's Comedy Traffic School

My second trip was awful. It was a spring day and no one, including the instructor, wanted to be there. The atmosphere of "get on with this" was oppressive.

Rocky Cologne's class last Saturday was another exceptional experience. Four or five of us huddled outside the door, early birds not wanting to be late. We grinned sheepishly at each other and in the style of all criminals, the "Whadda ya in for?" questions began.

'How fast were you going?' I asked one woman. "Oh, way under the speed limit! It was the stop sign I went through."

We all nodded slowly, knowingly.

And then the doors were flung open and there stood our instructor: Rocky Cologne. I am not making this up. He was handsome and funny and knowledgeable - an unusual combination.

I'd like to dash off a few of his jokes, but I can't. His humor is all in the delivery, timing and body language. He was sometimes droll, sometimes incredulous. You had to be there. And so we were - 16 of us, four men and 12 women.

Rocky told us we'd be playing Traffic School Jeopardy. the winning team would get processed out first at the end of the day.

He talked to us about Photo Radar - said not to bother fighting the new laser technology. It's precise and apparently as we speak, in San Ramon, Dublin, Pleasanton, Oakland and San Francisco.

When a photo radar ticket is mailed to you it doesn't contain the photo. Since that doctor's wife opened his ticket and noticed his nurse snuggled up, that part's been omitted. but you can go see it.

What if someone borrows your car, gets their picture taken, and won't pay the fine? You won't get the point on your license, but you will have to pay the fine. Bye friend.

"A yellow light does not mean 'Punch It!'" Rocky said. "In fact, the offense occurs the minute your front wheels cross the white line at the crosswalk."

Rocky told us that for every ticket you get you do 2,000 things wrong before you get caught. I'm sure he's accurate where I'm concerned.

The first half of Jeopardy began. For some reason, I suddenly wanted to win. Looking at my team members (the Violators) and then across the room ant the Law Breakers, I realized everyone felt the same way.

My team started slowly, then surged ahead! Then back. And then ahead once more by lunch time.

Everyone raced back after the break because being with Rocky was lots more fun than slogging through the cold rain someplace.

He explained how taking traffic school masks the violation on your public record, but not your private one. Only the FBI, CIA and other government agencies can access that. Oh you can too. Just drop by the DMV and ask for a copy. They charge $10 - request a manager if the clerk looks like he/she never heard of this.

Time for Double Jeopardy. A chance to break out first! We blew our big lead. Then the other side go a weensy bit cocky. Wham! We bet it all: 5,000 points on the final question. And we knew the answer!

When Rocky told us we'd play Traffic School Jeopardy, I was skeptical. But looking back, I realize we rally mulled over those questions. And we listened well as the other side worked on theirs.

I thought about Rocky yesterday as I flew through the rain. Then I eased my foot off the accelerator. I'm going to try not to commit those 2,000 errors too fast.

If you've been nabbed and must do time,...request Rocky Cologne.

He's a pretty darn good teacher. Funny for sure. But he knows how to make a lasting impression.